Stephen Colbert returned to late night on Monday after a two-week vacation and looked appropriately relaxed and refreshed. But it certainly wasn’t from breathing in the salty ocean air on Martha’s Vineyard. Recapping all the news that he had missed while unplugged from the daily news cycle, Colbert rattled off the laundry lists of issues we’re dealing with—and the most pressing matter people have been wondering about:
“There’s a fourth wave of coronavirus, we just got a global warming red alert for humanity, there are wildfires consuming Northern California and Greece. So naturally, there’s one question on everyone’s mind: Did I go to Barack Obama’s birthday party?”
The short answer: No, he did not.
Though he was originally invited to fete the former POTUS, Colbert admitted that when the Obamas decided to massively scale back the guest list to just their few hundred closest friends and family members, he “got massively scaled.” What was more amusing to Colbert was that “the news that I didn’t go might be news to some people in the news.” As he explained:
“The Boston Herald reported the guests included ‘late-night host Stephen Colbert and his wife, Evelyn… who also own property there.’ Which leads to the question: ‘So Steve, what’s your house like on Martha’s Vineyard?’ I have no idea. Boston Herald, could you please send me the address and the keys and maybe the alarm code, because I’d love to stay there someday. I don’t own a house on Martha’s Vineyard.”
Colbert went on to explain that the mix-up — at least about him attending the party — was likely due to the fact that they were invited, and had booked their flight and reserved a hotel, all of which was nonrefundable. So even though they ended up being part of Obama’s B-team, they took advantage of the already-paid-for getaway.
The moral of the story, according to Colbert? “It just goes to show, kids, that if you work hard, put in your time, and get to be the number one show in late-night television, you too can get disinvited from the cool kids party.” But he’s not bitter. “My own 60th birthday is coming up in three years,” he said. “And you, sir… are not going to want to miss it. Please come! I’d be so honored if you can. I’ll scale me back to make room for you and Michelle.”